How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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