you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
