cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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