I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
