Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
