Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
