just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
