There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
