Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize