Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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