Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This baby is an asshole
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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