i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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