tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
