respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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