And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
