margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
