Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize