Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
