Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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