loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
