Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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