Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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