I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
