why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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