Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
