Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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