Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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