you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
