I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize