just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
