My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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