her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
