You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
