Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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