Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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