I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
