Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
