You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As shirtless as possible
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
send nudes
from the living room?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
