the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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