we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
