i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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