pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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