From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
