Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
