just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
