Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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