Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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