I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
