I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
