just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
