i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
