so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
