hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
