Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
