"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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