Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
