Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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