Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
