can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
