non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
