hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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