I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
