whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
