I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
