Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
