Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize