My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
