we have pet lesbian snakes
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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