im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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