guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
