Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
