Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
