Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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