sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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