Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
