In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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