maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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