dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
